10 Tips for Parents—How Best to Support Full of Ourselves at Home

1) Remember: There’s no such thing as a “joke” about someone’s body. Research shows that teasing and harassment contribute to the development of eating disorders.

2) Set a good example through your own actions. Do not go on any “fad” or magazine diets. These don’t work! In the long run, they lead to weight-gain, not loss. If you need help with your own relationship to food, see a nutritionist, doctor, or counselor and let your daughter know that you are on a medically supervised diet and that your goal is to eat healthfully and create a healthier lifestyle. Let her know that you take yourself and your health seriously.

3) The same goes for words! Never put yourself down for how you look in front of your daughter. Don’t tolerate anyone else putting you—or your daughter, or another person—down for how you look. And try not to greet friends with comments about how they look. Instead, practice taking people seriously for what they say, and do, not for how slender, “buff,” or well-put together they are.

4) Do not subscribe to the “morality of orality.” Avoid labeling particular foods or your own eating habits as “good” or “bad”; for example, “I was so bad today—I ate a hot fudge sundae.”

5) Wear Clothes that express who you are, regardless of your size or shape. Don’t let your body shape keep you from doing things you want simply because you don’t “look the part.”

6) Keep an eye out for weightiest messages in the media with your daughter.
Name, discuss, and refute them! The point is not to deny that weightism exists or pretend that weightiest comments aren’t painful. Instead, help your daughter draw useful parallels between weightism and other forms of prejudice: Remind her that judging someone solely on the basis of their body size or shape can be just as cruel as judging them solely on the basis of skin color, sex, or religion. Reassure her that there are many ways we can together learn to fight weightism in the world and inside ourselves.

7) Take stock of all your cupboards! Are they filled with foods from all food groups? What kinds of snacks do you keep on hand? Supply your kitchen with a variety of low-cost, high-health foods.

8) Avoid using food as a reward or punishment. Find ways other than shopping or eating to celebrate your small victories on any given day. Likewise, when your daughter is upset, try going for a walk and talking together—rather than going out to eat. Or make her a cup of tea, sit down with her, and let her know you are really there for her. Your time is one of the most nourishing resources you can offer her.

9) Let your daughter know that you love her, no matter what she weighs! Listen to her opinions, show appreciation for her uniqueness, and, as often as possible, allow her to take the lead. If you are worried about her weight, talk to her pediatrician or a nutritionist.

10) Take stock of your own body image and attitudes. In a journal, or with a friend or spouse, consider the following questions. There are no right or wrong answers. We all begin in different places in terms of body acceptance and awareness.

How did I develop my own body image? What was I told about my body and appearance when I was young?


How accepting or rejecting am I of my body shape and size? How often are my comments to myself about how I look positive? How often negative?


What are my attitudes toward people of differing body sizes and shapes? How do I express these attitudes? Do I ever feel better or worse about myself because I think my body is superior or inferior to theirs?


Have I or someone I know ever been discriminated against or hurt by weightest comments made about body shape or size? How have I responded?


What degree of emphasis do I put on my daughter’s body size and shape? Do I ever relay the message that I will like her more if she looks different?